ARE WE A THROW AWAY SOCIETY?
Loyalty and faithfulness may sound like mundane, old-fashioned concepts, but research shows they are vital to emotional and physical health. Committed partners live longer, healthier, and more productive lives, especially if their relationships are happy and monogamous.
People who powerfully choose to be in a committed and faithful relationship, and honor the agreement, have an advantage over couples who verbally make the commitment but choose to experiment outside their relationship.
A Modern Malaise: Treating People as Objects
In our throwaway society, attitudes toward material goods can filter through to how we view and act in relationships.
The thought that, “this will do until something better/more exiting/younger/hotter/fitter comes along” is like treating your partner or mate like a material object. Having your cake and eating it too can be bad for everyone if not done consensually.
Instant Excitement Isn’t So Helpful
Paradoxically, seeking excitement and happiness through unfaithfulness usually does just the opposite.
Having an affair may be symptomatic of a larger problem within a marriage or relationship, and may signal the end.
But if it’s an addictive pattern and happens frequently, even when everything is ok within the main relationship, then it is even more destructive. This is also usually a sign of a bigger issue.
The Grass Always Seems Greener
Of course the grass always looks greener on the other side, but to be constantly unfaithful to someone is to treat them with small regard and little respect. Part of the addictive cycle of being unfaithful can be the ‘buzz’ of leading a double life, of the deceit, or of simply having a secret.
You might be confusing excitement with happiness. This is like confusing the buzz you get from too much sugar with the long term benefits and nutrition you get from healthy and satisfying food.
If you are reading this, chances are you are dissatisfied with what may feel like a compulsion to stray and be unfaithful.
I was sharing my thoughts on our “throw—away” relationship society with a new male friend and he said, “you know, sometimes I simply desire a “cheeseburger” for dinner even though I am aware it could potentially destroy my relationship, family, etc. but sometimes we want something different.” I agreed with him and took it a step further, what if we could powerfully share with our partner our true desire for whatever it is and find a mutual manner to achieve our need? This would require us to be vulnerable enough to share our deepest desire with our partner. It is then up to them to decide if they choose to honor our request or not, without making us wrong for asking to try something new.
You’ll have noticed that certain ‘types’ may be attractive to you, or that certain situations arise that provide opportunity. The fact is, you can begin to resist these temptations and become a stronger person.
Are you currently being unfaithful to your partner and want to find the strength to break it off? Are you contemplating a first time affair? Perhaps you are just sick of being plagued by guilt? What if you choose something new and different by sharing with your partner a new desire? Think of the increased intimacy that is possible if you remain open.
For me, I believe spice is the variety of life and certainly the hotter the spice, the hotter my sex life with my partner. If I desire a new experience, like playing with another woman alone or with my partner, I have no problem sharing my desire with them. If I don’t, chances are I may have the experience anyway and the guilt of “cheating” is not worth me losing my partner. It is definitely not worth losing my own piece of mind.
Sex, fucking, making love, are all an expression of your desire to copulate and share intimacy with a partner. If you are cutting off your awareness of what you desire to please your partner, ultimately you will be searching for a new playmate who wants to eat cheeseburgers with you. The challenge with this philosophy is no one wants to eat a cheeseburger every day, this too can get boring!
Live with Joy & Passion