If you’ve been thrown back into dating after years of marriage or a long-term relationship, the dating landscape may have changed a lot since you were last on the field. That’s okay! But I know from experience it can feel daunting at times.
I didn’t become an Intimacy & Relationship Coach until after I was divorced in my 40s! I became the coach I would have liked to have had when I was new to dating again, so I hope you find this helpful.
More people meet on dating apps than in person these days. I’m psychic. I hear what you’re thinking through the internet.
“Yikes! I have to learn a whole new app just to date now? I don’t even like to check my email!”
It’s more to learn, more to do, and may even feel impersonal at times—the opposite of what you want when you’re looking for connection—but there is a positive side! When you meet someone at the grocery store—or wherever it is the cool kids hang out these days—you know little about them other than physical attraction.
If a little periphery information lets you know the guy’s a dud, why waste your time with a date? Dating apps give you the opportunity to know a little bit more about someone before you commit to a date.
There are so many dating apps out there I couldn’t possibly go through them all but I’ve picked 3 I like for different reasons and I’ll give you the info you need to know if it’s for you.
Just Swipe Right
Tinder is so predominant in Western culture that you can’t talk about dating apps and not mention it, but it’s not my favorite on this list!
It’s easy to sign up for and gives you local matches with some basic information. If Mr. I Want To Date You isn’t your type, you swipe left. If he is, you swipe right. And if a Big Hunk swipes left on you, you’ll never know.
It’s an easy way to meet people. You can connect quickly and go from there. However, you’re not getting much more initial information than you would without the app and Tinder’s pricing is a bit ageist as they charge people over 30 more.
But if you’re new in town and just looking to meet people, or maybe you’re out of town on business and looking for someone to hang out with, it’s a good way to meet people.
You Can’t Bumble This!
Bumble works almost the same way as Tinder. You still swipe right to connect with a match, but there’s a catch.
Only women can start the conversation. This saves you from dealing with unwanted messages, but it also gives you control over your experience. If you’ve come out of a long-term relationship, or you’ve experienced any kind of abuse or trauma in your past, being in control of who you talk to is really empowering.
Bumble allows you to feel more in control of your information as well. Tinder requires a Facebook account and has been hacked a few times. Bumble doesn’t require a Facebook account and it’s not clear if the app has ever experienced system-wide hacks.
Some women also say they felt they got higher quality matches from Bumble than Tinder. After all, in our culture, it takes a certain amount of maturity and security for a man to be willing to let a woman make the first move.
Find Harmony
E-Harmony works differently from the apps we talked about so far which makes it a good app if you’re looking for long-term connections. This app has you start with a personality quiz and the algorithm uses your personality profile to find profiles it thinks would be a good match.
Since you have a little bit more information about your match and the app tries to match you based on more than your zip code, E-Harmony has a higher track record of long-term relationships. If you just got out of a bad/hard/long relationship, this may not be what you’re looking for. But if you’re looking for something longer term, E-Harmony may be more productive than other apps.
Dating apps are just a tool to help you find what you’re looking for. They make it easier to meet people, but you can still meet people the old-fashioned way, if that’s your thing. When you decide to start dating again, what’s important is that you know what you want, you’re secure and confident in yourself as a single woman, and you’ve made the decision to let go of past pain so you can start over.
New relationships aren’t a cure-all for internal suffering. When you’re already happy, a new relationship should make you even happier.