Your Brain On Sex

Do you remember when Christian Grey was the wild new craze? 

If you don’t, I’ll explain it in a nutshell. A billionaire bad boy meets a naive young woman who has to be the only millennial in the world to have never sent an email. They spend three books having sex in various places, positions, ways, and for various reasons. 

The books were so popular it became three movies that were so hot they landed Taylor Swift music. But the covers of the book showed images of a mask or a tie. Innocuous things that soccer moms weren’t embarrassed to read in public. 

“Erm—no one can know I’m reading a book about female orgasms, because that’s scandalous! We have to make sure no one knows what this is about.” 

Except so many people are reading it became a movie. 

So, the whole Western world was reading the same book, but everyone was ashamed to admit it. How the hell does that make sense?

It makes sense, because your brain is hard-wired to want sex both emotionally and biologically or physically. The idea that sex or orgasms—especially female orgasms—are somehow bad, wrong, or scandalous is something society came up with to control population growth, and if we’re being honest probably to control women.

You’re Programmed To Want Sex

Your desires are nothing to be ashamed of. Your brain wants you to have good sex, and your favorite coach does too. 

Your brain is so aware of the biological need for sex as means of reproduction that it dictates both life cycles and month cycles based on the need for sex. But it isn’t just the physical need to repopulate the earth driving your brain’s interest in sex. 

You fullfill emotional and relationship needs through sex too.

1. Life Phases

Were you hornier as a teen or in your early twenties than as a middle-aged adult? This is true for most people, and there’s a valid reason for it.

We hit puberty somewhere around our teen years. Puberty is assigned by a sexual maturity rating, and women receive two sexual maturity ratings one for their breasts and another for their vagina. Adolescents are said to be in category 1 at the first signs of sexual maturity. They’re fully mature at 5.

You hit puberty because your brain starts releasing the sex-linked hormones that allow you to reach sexual maturity. As your body matures, your sexual attraction and sexual desire increase. 

Later in life, your brain begins to decrease the release of the sex hormones, and you may no longer have the same sex drive.

1. Ovulation Phases

Not only is sexual desire over a lifetime controlled by your brain, but sexual desire from day to day or week to week throughout a month is also driven by the cycle of sex hormones. Women usually want more sex around the time they’re ovulating. What’s interesting is that men are drawn to ovulating women. 

At the most basic level, sex is a natural and necessary part of life.

Your Brain As A Sex Organ

Your brain is a sex organ. Really.

Sexual attraction starts in your brain specifically the amygdala. The message of arousal is carried through your nervous system which prompts the desire to have sex. The message is so strong it clouds your frontal lobe—the decision-making area of the brain—this is why you might have a fun night and later wonder why you did it. 

When you move from arousal and desire to sex, you trigger the brain’s reward system. Orgasms feel so good for a reason. An orgasm releases dopamine, but it’s not just that. You’re also rewarded with oxytocin, the love hormone. 

Oxytocin is the same hormone a mother produces while breastfeeding a baby. This is why during and after sex you may feel more connected to your partner than you did an hour earlier when you were arguing over who was doing the dishes. 

You love from your brain, not your heart. 

In addition to the automatic physiological rewards of an orgasm, sex is good for your mental, physical health, and your relationship.

Sexual Frustrations

With all the benefits of sex, it’s an important part of a romantic relationship. But chocolate has calories and sex sometimes comes with frustrations.

If your partner is aroused but you’re not just not getting there, or the opposite is happening, this could be a problem. If you experience pain during sex, this would obviously be a disincentive to do it. But then you’re missing out on the intimacy with your partner.

And if you love your partner but the sex feels just physical and not emotional this is a sign your emotional needs aren’t being met.

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If you’re struggling with any of these issues, I’m here to help. Just reach out.